AE's story

Today I learned some more details of one of my student's life story and I'm having a hard time getting it out of my head. I'll call her AE. I've had her in my Advisory for three years and last year she was also in my year-long 1st period Biology class. She was absent over 70% of the time and when she did show up, it was always late with a cup of coffee or hot chocoate in her hands, but nothing else. She rarely did anything in class and was in violation of the dress code almost every time she showed up. Actually, at the beginning of the year, she was a top student in Biology and was always participating and would at least try to do the work. But then she met a guy and everything changed. When I had to deal with her about these issues, she usually responded by "dropping the F-bomb" at me. All that aside, she had an amazing capacity to always give me another chance at working with her every day. Since her behavior presented so many opportunities for conflict, I was always looking to create positive connections with her, so she was often the recipient of my silly jokes and warm smiles. Even if we'd just dealt with her rules violations, she was always willing to be amused and smile back. That's pretty amazing that she does that.

When school started last week, she told me that "this year is going to be different" and that she was going to try to catch up. (She is in a Junior class homeroom, but has barely enough credits to be a Sophomore, so she has a lot of catching up to do.) The next day she was "late with coffee but no materials" again. When I asked her what was going to make this year different she just rolled her eyes at me. So, I sent all of her other teachers a note asking their cooperation on communicating her attendance patterns to me so that we could intervene more effectively. (Last year, the interventions were detentions (which she would try to ditch so we had to escort her) and Parent Conferences (which produced nothing but frustration for everyone). Her English teacher shared what she knew about AE's situation with me. As you read this, imagine it is your story and consider what it would feel like to be AE.

She lived with her mother as a child, and was molested for a long period of time by her mother's boyfriend who lived with them. She was raped two years ago (it's not clear to me if it was by the boyfriend or not). Her mother gave her to her own parents to raise, and her mother now pretty much lives on the street as an addict/prostitute. The grandparents are elderly and do not speak or understand English very well, as well as being completely unprepared to deal with AE's behavior and academic issues. Her current boyfriend is 20 and is a drug dealer. He often picks AE up before school and puts her to work for him instead of taking her to school. On days that he doesn't need/want her with him, he buys her hot chocolate before class. She reads and does math at the 5th grade level.

When I hear something like that I always ask myself "If that was my story, how would I think and feel and act?" What kind of strength of character and clarity would it take to make good choices coming from that dysfunctional of a background? I'm never convinced that as a teenager with that going on that I would make significantly better choices and I think that's a good thing for me to think. It helps me have compassion for her and not give up. Yep, this is another week when I'm full of gratitude for my parents and the stable, loving, positive upbringing I had. When I'm in charge of the world, no one will have a childhood like AEs.

Tutu