DJ...and a tough day

Today's entry concerns a situation I just learned about today. One of our students, DJ, I learned has been cutting her arm quite severely. We have referred her to counseling, the school psychologist, a social worker...everyone we can think of, but she's really a danger to herself...and the staff is at a loss to know how to help her. Here's some back story.

DJ and her Mom have been living in a shelter for homeless people in Compton all year long. Her Mom speaks no English and Dad is long gone. She has cousins at this school, but the family doesn't really know how to get along with each other, so often these relationships are not only of no help, they are actually harmful. Just before the winter break DJ stole another girl's iPOD. This was discovered because she was unwise enough to take it out and look at it in a classroom, which is strictly against campus rules. The iPOD was a distinctive color and it had some distinguishing markings on it which signalled to the girl from whom it was stolen that it belonged to her. DJ was referred to our Assistant Principal who confiscated it and called DJ's mother in for a conference. Her Mother backed up DJ's story that she had indeed not stolen it, but found it in Compton. Unfortunately, the AP did not follow protocol and file a Police report; the result of that is she had to give the iPOD back to DJ and buy the other student a new iPOD.

A few days later, a friend of mine who owns a company in a nearby town notified me that she and her employees decided to give a couple of our students in need a gift for the holidays. I immediately thought of DJ, because I knew she and her Mother were struggling, and up until that point, she had been so happy to see me every day and so helpful and polite with me. However, after discussing it with the AP, we decided that because of the iPOD situation, we would give one of the gifts to another student. Unfortunately, the AP forgot about that decision and sent DJ to see me about the gift late that day. I felt horrible to be in the situation where I had to tell her that there had been a miscommunication and that I had nothing for her. It was only later that I found out that one of the recipients was her cousin, who she did not get along with, but who is one of my own students. I didn't think much more about it until today when I learned about DJ's cutting and that she seemed to have changed. As a matter of fact, I didn't even recall seeing her at all since we returned to school on the 12th (I've been out attending professional development classes quite a bit these past two weeks). I didn't see her until last period today when I saw her rushing down the hallway to go sit at one of the tables in the lobby area on our floor. Although I was having a conversation with other students, when I saw her I smiled, waved and called out her name. For the first time ever, she looked at me with no expression and just walked on to the table. She put her head down and just stayed like that. Can you imagine being her? Would you even want to come to school? How much pain do you have to be in to cut yourself? If that doesn't change anything for the better, what do you do next? I have a splitting headache right now, just thinking about it.

I also have a headache because today was a very difficult day in all of my classes. I'm implementing a new team-building, student self-management process in all of my classes and it's a challenge for both my self and the students. Yesterday, I empowered my students to create their own Social Contract detailing how everyone is to be treated. Today was the first day they were to live up to their contract and support each other in doing so. Several students already want to give up and stop doing it. A couple of "dears" who were absent yesterday (and most days) are refusing to sign. Almost none of the students is helping to hold other students accountable and I'm still having to do everything. It was exhausting. I did explain to them that this is something new that they have to learn and it will feel wierd and be unfamiliar and difficult until they get used to it and begin to see the benefits. Only time will tell...but I can't stop modeling living up to it because only then will it be a total failure and another demonstration that they can't count on any adult to be caring, appropriate and responsible. It's days like this that I have to really remind myself that it's all worth it. My hope is that I see some improvement tomorrow in how the kids support each other and in my own ability to deal with how difficult it is with more grace, patience and humor.